Something just popped into my head and I feel like writing it down, because it’s a big part of who I was/am. I’ve been struggling with it since I was small.
I’m talking about shyness. I WAS SO SHY. Damn I think I was the most shy little girl ever. I’m not even exaggerating. Shy kid on the block. Shyroon5. Shyonce. Shy eyed peas. I was afraid to greet my parent’s friends (whom I didn’t know), I was afraid to buy some candy/toys at the store, I would always hide behind my mother and hold her hand.
Some of you may think that it’s “normal” for kids to be shy. But this personality trait really bothered me. I didn’t want to be shy, I already knew that I wanted to change this at an early age . This constant feeling of being afraid and feeling uncomfortable kinda eats you up inside.
You want to be outgoing, you want to make new friends and talk about all the stuff in the world, you want to be the person they’d love to hang out with, but there was always something that was holding me back.
Luckily time has changed me and I’m not THAT shy anymore. But I’m still curious about the source of my shyness. LOL I’m weird haha. Most people only want to know if someone has changed or not. But I really want to know why…
I’ve looked up some information about shyness and most psychologists say that shyness stems from insecurities or external influences – the environment you grow up in. Ok ok, I can live with that, but I think it’s too easy to claim that (even if it’s backed with studies). I say this because I’ve been shy for as long as I can remember. This “insecurity theory” is plausible when you talk about children or teenagers, because they’re aware of their surroundings and the opinions of others.
But you don’t think about that kind of stuff when you’re a toddler. You don’t worry about your clothing, hair, weight when you’re 3 years old. You don’t really care about what some random person thinks of you. You only care about that cookie you couldn’t eat. So how or why is a toddler shy?
An other possible theory: the kid might be afraid of new people. I also agree with this theory for a big part, but I still feel that it doesn’t cover everything. Yes, it takes time for me to feel completely comfortable with someone I just met. But as I remembered, I was also shy with my classmates in preschool. I didn’t talk a lot in class, even though I saw my classmates everyday. Why are you shy when you know those people and when see them everyday?
I can’t wrap my head around it. What were my thoughts as a kid? When I get shy or uncomfortable right now I only think: What am I going to say? Am I interesting enough? Ka Wai you must say something. Keep the conversation going. Why does it take so much effort? They probably think I’m boring. I wish I could be myself.
I don’t think I had those thoughts when I was a toddler. I just felt uncomfortable I guess. Yep, so many questions and no answers.. yet haha.
What do you guys think?